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Posted Saturday, 28 January 2012 // 15:48
The reasons why I decided to put on a Hijab forever...

Assalammualaikum all. Many have asked me, " Why the sudden of wearing hijab?". In this post, I will be sharing with all my sisters and brothers out there. I will explain it to you guys from A-Z. This is not a sudden change, I've always been wanting to put on a hijab, but the same old question I asked myself before, "Am I ready?". Before this, I am not a good Muslim. I admit that. I was too influenced with the western style. I cared too much about "duniawi", I think too little about "akhirat". I distanced myself from the Man above, I only seek for his help when I am really in need of help. Oh Allah S.W.T, please forgive your servant, for I am only human. I still care about my religion, but I did not understand the beauty of Islam back then.

Alhamdulillah, one fine day, the Man above decided to bring me to the right path. The day before I decided to put on the Hijab forever, I faced a really "terrifying" experience. MashaAllah, only Allah S.W.T knew how I felt at that period of time. I woke up at 0700am in the morning for school. Before I head to the bathroom, I looked out of the window to breathe in the morning breeze. The minute I looked out of the window, my mind was filled with death thoughts. Yes, DEATH. I thought those thoughts were only going to take for a while, but it lasted till my journey to school. While I was on my way to school, I kept looking at my surroundings. I felt out of place. I did not know why. Everything seemed foreign to me. Then, I started thinking about ' The End of the World'. I asked myself, " What if Allah S.W.T decided to take my breathe away?", "What if today is the last day I'm gonna spend time with my loved ones?", "Am I ready to face the aftermath?" and etc. I've never had this kind of feeling before in my whole entire of 18 years living. But that day, I just could not stop thinking about Death.

When I stepped my foot into the classroom, somehow I stopped thinking about it. Maybe because I kept myself busy. It was just like any other day, laughing away with the classmates, gossips and etc. Right after Asar, I felt a stinging pain at my chest area. SubhanAllah, that feeling was really deathlike :( I turned to a good friend of mine, Filzah, and asked her, "What if today is my last day to live?" and I added, "Am I leaving soon?". I got really scared, I decided to call one of my sisters and explained to her what happened the whole of Tuesday. The sister said, "Maybe you have been neglecting the Man above, time for a change.". Tears rolled down on my cheeks while I was on the phone with her. I was that scared, really scared. The whole evening, I felt disturbed. Even though I was with my friends that evening, my mind was not with them.

The minute I reached home, I went to wash up and performed Isya'. Tears rolled down on my cheeks again. Again, I was scared. I felt better after praying. After prayers, I've decided to call it a day. I was knackered. However, I could not fall asleep. I kept tossing around on my bed. Came a voice whispered into my ears, " Shafa, this is your call. Your call to dress for Allah S.W.T. Your call to get closer to him because you've been neglecting him way too much.". I've got a shocked out of my life. I played different kinds of Duas on YouTube to make myself feel better that night. Still, I could not fall asleep because the minute I closed my eyes, I felt that that night would be my last night to see the world. Then I replied to that voice, " If this is really time for me to cover up, we'll see how it goes tomorrow. I might promise you tonight that I will wear it, but feelings can change overnight. I'm afraid to make any promises. Let's see how the day goes tomorrow."

The next morning, my alarm rang off at 6 in the morning. The minute I woke up, I thanked Allah S.W.T for giving me another day to breathe. Alhamdulillah. I went to take a shower and performed my Fajr prayer. Right after that, I went to get ready for school. Once I slide open my wardrobe doors, my hands reached out to the long pants and the long-sleeved blouse. After I've put on my clothes, I went to living room and told my Dad, "Dad, I think it's time for me to cover up. I am ready.". Dad replied, "Alhamdulillah". So I went to Mum's room to search for a matching Hijab to wear to school. "Mum: Why are you looking for a hijab?", "Me: Because I wanna wear it.", "Mum: Oh, you have to wear it to school today?", "Me: *laughs* No Mama, I'm gonna wear it forever.", "Mum: Oh I see, make sure you put the Hijab forever okay, don't wear it halfway.", "Me: InsyaAllah Mama, I won't."

So I continued looking for a matching Hijab. Then, Mum decided to ask few more questions. "Mum: What makes you wanna wear it?", "Me: I don't know. I don't feel right yesterday.", "Mum: What happened?", "Me: *tears rolled down my cheeks*", "Mum: Tell me Eka, don't keep it to yourself." , "Me: I don't know how to say it. I just keep thinking about Death till today.", "Mum: Don't worry. Istighfar."

Starting from that day, I've started to put on the Hijab. Till today, it is still on my head. Alhamdulillah. InsyaAllah, this change will be forever. I am still learning to be a better Muslimah. InsyaAllah. Up till today, the thought of Death still lingers around in my mind.

"Ya Allah, Kau panjangkanlah umur hambamu ini."

erykahyo.blogspot.com by erykahyo
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Studying Architecture.
I love kids.

I like living. I have sometimes been wildly,despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow,but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.


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